Where I’d always rather be

This is where everything becomes ok.



Macaroon face

This is my ‘trying macaroons for the first time’ face. What’s yours like? I was so pleasantly surprised they were nothing like meringue. For some unknown reason I thought they’d have texture similar to meringue. How wrong was I and how good were the… do they classify as cookies? Face disclaimer – got blinded by the sun, not pulling weird grimaces at the rainbow coloured pastries.

Photo credit: Inks. City credit: Utrecht. Bliss credit: life.

Ja no mitte kuidagi ei saa endal makaroni-seost peast välja! ‘Makaroninägu’ oleks päris hea emakeelne postituspealkiri. Aga ebaviisakas on rääkida nii, et ainult priviligeeritud aru saavad, niiet tšaupakaa. Seda ka, et ma varsti tulen koju.

Edit: Forgot to mention that I woke up this morning with my left eye swollen almost completely shut. It’s not the first time this has happened to me and I haven’t managed to find a reason for it yet. Just one eye. Swelling goes down after holding a fresh-from-the-fridge jam jar on the eye for about 15min. No stye or anything either. Must have punched myself in the eye in my sleep? What is this wizardry?
I will treat the person who solves my occasional swollen eye mystery to a macaroon (upon request).

The day I turned 23

Well, this is definitely old news. I’ve been meaning to go through the photos I took in Switzerland in early March for a while. Partially I couldn’t be bothered because I found that the best part of my photos from wandering around Basel on my 23rd birthday have this schmutz on them, my lens was dirty… and I didn’t want to deal with having to get rid of the schmutz. But obviously now that I’ve got my thesis to write, it’s undeniably the best time to work on photos. So here’s a little selection of my first day of spring, my first time in Switzerland – a beautiful sunny day in Basel.

Stay the same

It’s been a while since I had lyrics deciphering the vibe. Or conveying it. However, ‘Stay The Same’ by Bonobo feat. Andreya Triana has perhaps been hitting too close to home for comfort and it gets to me every time. I love the huskiness of Triana’s voice, the simplicity of the words and melodies – very powerful when put together.

It always makes me a little bit sad when I have bindblowing food alone. Especially when I have to leave the second portion in the fridge for the next day. Tonight I had pangasius fillet with broccoli + cauliflower + kohlrabi side. The pangasius was seasoned with a lemon & garlic marinade, I panfried it and freshly ground some black pepper on top. Veg were in big chunks, thrown in boiling water for about 3 minutes, just so they’re cooked from the outside, but inside is perfectly crunchy. But yeah, supermarkets don’t really support people eating alone. The fish was prepackaged in a pair, same with veggies – too much for one person. Oh well, at least it was über tasty, so I can have another peng dinner tomorrow.

Or maybe I’m just getting a bit melancholic because I had to part with my ugly as hell but faitful friend of a bicycle today. We have shared kodak moments and not-so-kodak moments…

Or maybe I’m freaking out because I have another shit ton (pardon my French) of work to do, on top of my Master’s thesis. If this MA course has taught me something though.. it’s the fact that a shit ton of work is most definitely doable. Just can get really unpleasant.

Or maybe I don’t know what to do with my future and the things I do know are scary (but exciting).

And it’s most definitely the cold (both outside and the cold I’ve just about recovered from) that doesn’t want to go away.

And sometimes days can just be a whole lotta fail. Today wasn’t one of those days, but there have been a fair few in the near past.

I am being a pensive kitty. Hopefully this will result in lots of valuable thoughts, future plans, original ideas and a general purpose & meaning of life. A girl can dream, right?

Ok, enough of this. Going to finish with food porn (virtual sharing is caring too, or just teasing.. either way, better than keeping this beauty all for myself)..

Hold up a bank with a banana

13 days before I get home. Today was a good day. Waking up after a good night’s sleep (haven’t been sleeping very well for some reason) in a long time, I found an email saying one of our assignments for this Friday got a deadline extension. Couldn’t be happier, right!? Only the standard weekly ordeal to put up with, instead of the perceived doom brought by double the work. Then! I find out that Red Hot Chili Peppers are finally making their way to Tallinn. They’re one band I’ve always really wanted to see live. I’m not exaggerating that this is a definite dream come true. 31st July! Hopefully by then I’ll have my MA thesis ripe and ready too. Can’t think of a better way to celebrate. Then! The weather was really messed up – that ain’t so cool. Hail + snow + rain + wind + apocalypse things, but nothing a northern girl can’t handle. Did some work for the assignment on Friday, we’re researching #wtf on Twitter (no, really). It’s quite fun, but includes unholy amounts of data, and even though I like data, organising and general OCDing over numbers and letters, it can be a bit of a pain in the backside. Especially when the university cafeteria is ridiculously cold. My Hospital Records mug and Fifteen Years Of Hospital Records CD arrived today. The pasta I made for lunch was a success.

I feel silly tired now and should probably get a good night’s sleep. Pardon the bags under my eyes. Chronic vitutus causes this. Speaking of which – happy independence day, Suomi! I raise my mug to you, the world, datasets and bass-heavy music. The darker the better. Speaking of which, *this* is too good to be true, watch the full video, it’s entrancing. That is all.

Notes from overground

This week concludes with the following thoughts:
* I love dancing and going out clubbing, but I think I’ve grown too old for that. Went to Melkweg on Friday night for Innovation in the Damn, but felt tired and out of place – way too old and way too sober. And got way too many clothes on. I lasted for about 3h, if not less. Cyantific and Bailey played amazing sets though, so that was fun. Still, not quite how it used to be.
* Sore throats that last for two weeks and don’t yield to any form of meds (that can be bought over the counter) are annoying. Also, all the more annoying because the Dutch don’t sell throat sprays here. Only with prescription.. Trachitol galore! Oh also – eating chilli is a pretty fucking bad idea. Tried and tested – hurts on the scale of salt in wounds etc.
* I really can’t wait for Christmas to come, though I know it’s not really going to be a proper break, because we have more assignments piling up.
* Sometimes people can be so utterly useless. It’s the least desirable trait a human can have – uselessness. But at the same time having useless people helps appreciate the awesome ones more. I’ve got some pretty awesome people around me too (one sign of having done at least something right in life)
* I need a hug. One per week would even do. And I hate the fact that I had to eat the beautiful omelette I made this morning on my own.
* There’s so many things that annoy me right now, but what annoys me more than the annoying things is the fact that I feel like I really really shouldn’t be complaining.

And then there’s always tea. And cute pictures.

Fog from a bit more than a week ago.


The last two weeks have been hell at uni and the remains of this semester will be too. One of the thoughts getting me through this is the relief, delivered by a truck, on Friday afternoon (only to make space for more obligations and worry the next day). I’ve found a coping mechanism: forcing myself to go to the gym at least every other day. Keeps me afloat.

This morning when I woke up, it felt like I was in an aquarium, filled with milk. It was that foggy! I couldn’t even see half way across the plein I live on. Or then I was looking into an aquarium. Bizarre.

Here are some photos I took when mum was over. I like Amsterdam in the autumn. Despite the fog that makes my bike seat wet (and therefore my bum, most of the time), it’s very beautiful, milky… covered in a layer of white velvet. I don’t have any more recent photos, but last night when I cycled back from town (after grabbing tea with a friend), the canals were so mysterious in the dark. Like something out of an early 20th century novel. Absolutely gorgeous. I cycled along Prinsengracht and then Singel – if it hadn’t been that cold, I would have probably gone exploring (I was also really hungry). Oh Amsterdam, you do amaze me. That’s all.

Blast from the past

Today I started my day with Incubus and explored the once so natural parts of my days quite far. Oh how I’ve missed this. It’s a warm and fuzzy feeling that comes with resurfacing elements from the past. The feelings, the thoughts, the times, the people, the music perhaps the most. Somehow comforting – maybe exactly because it’s in the past and inaccessible. Familiar, but gone. Probably for the best. The times were awesome, but I doubt I’d go back.. come on – being a teenager again? I think I’ll pass. But I’ll savour the rest of the craziness.

De boer zit in de bus

I think I’ve reached the point where the honeymoon period of being in Amsterdam is over. However, I’m not feeling that big a difference, let’s just say things are getting real. There’s no more sugar-coating or hoping that things will be as easy as with my undergraduate degree. They sure are a lot more interesting though, and that’s the most important part. I’m also starting to get an idea of what I want to do my thesis on, it’s vague and very broad at the moment, but right now is a good time to get the idea cooking, I hope.

We had about a week’s worth of glorious weather (which was pretty confusing too). Got to read in the park and wear summer clothes. But as per usual, when the sun comes out, everyone start’s moaning about the heat. Not as much here as in the UK though. I was just happy to welcome October with 25 degrees. The only problem with sunny weather is that when you want to go read in a park (study), then there’s about a million hippies all playing a million different types of music. And then there are non-hippies, who are all playing music too. I also don’t understand how people can get away with literally sleeping in the park during a working day? I mean, people who are way too old to be students.. So if you want peace and quiet, it’s better to go, for example, to Museumplein. I did that and it was pretty awesome. Also visited the modern art museum, but also that is getting major renovation, so there’s only a fraction of the whole collection there. Cool, nevertheless. And they have loads of art books on sale for a good price. And on a hot day, museums with air conditioning are super awesome.

I went to see the first polo match of my life a week ago or so. Kind of funny that I did that in the Netherlands, not in the UK… The match was held at Amsterdamse Bos and I think it was more about rich people showing up to show off than the actual men on horses, beating a ball with sticks. I’m still scared of horses, so I’m pretty proud of myself for putting up with a sport that’s quite horsey. The tent bit had really kitschy chandeliers, luxury brands and lots and lots of champagne. All in all, a very pretentious happening, but I’m happy I can cross seeing a polo match off my list of things to do. Also, I had no idea bringing dogs is almost a must when one goes to a polo match. What’s up with that? Puppy and pony show?

Did you know that moustaches are a hipster thing nowadays? Well, apparently they are. Nevertheless, I went to a moustache-themed party and if I wasn’t a woman, I would definitely be a moustache-wearing man. I’d curl and condition it, give it a name and use it for twirling while I think important thoughts. On a practical note to all you kids – waking up 7am and not having a disco nap results in grumpy tired moods around 3am and being at an ‘after hours club’ at the other end of Amsterdam isn’t a beautiful combo with that. I admit I can be a really whiny bitch in situations like that. It’s the age showing. (Still sober in the next photo, waiting for a tram, got blinded by the flash.)

I’ve just booked my flights to go to the UK for midterm break, so I’m very freshly angry. Sodding EasyJet charged me €16 to use Mastercard. You can get away from paying the ridiculous fees if you pay with Visa Electron, but who on earth has those cards with online paying options? Well I don’t. And my other debit cards are Visa & Mastercard Debit too, still I’ll get the charge. Grr. Thought there were talks of banning airlines from adding ridiculous credit card fees, or is this just wishful thinking? Swear I remember something like that from media… Ah! Found it, here. Sneaky bastards.

Completely offtopic: you know people aren’t very hopeful about long-distance relationships in general. I think they’re right about the difficulty, but I think it’s manageable. You know it hurts a lot to be constantly missing someone? And then the distance and different life rhythms make it quite difficult to communicate… To make that communication matter, you really have to make an effort. Have you noticed how ambivalent online interaction is? How easy it is to misinterpret the other person? There’s always the issue of physical closeness too, but that can be overcome. People who have non-long-distance relationships should really relish how easy it is when the other person is right there. I’m all for technology and forward-thinking, but the main tool for keeping a long-distance relationship alive can also be the main shit stirrer. Skype video calls are probably the least problematic ones, but still.. it seems like something is constantly getting lost in translation. But – I think the sceptics are just weak and give in too easily. The most important thing is to remember that you love the person and cut the other one a bit of slack. It’s not easy and I openly admit that I really really hate having to do with phone calls and instant messaging. (Says the New Media master student…)

But hey – isn’t life about challenges anyway? At least I’m not a quitter and people who’re saying that long-distance doesn’t work can suck it. Life wasn’t made to be easy. You just have to play your cards right – it’s part of the fun.