Je ne veux pas

by Ave

I’m not going to post a photo of how gorgeous it is in Estonia right now. I am sitting in the living room of my parents’ house, next to a big window, behind which there is a real winter wonderland. It’s quiet, calm, clean, cold – the nice kind, the quieting kind. Stillness.

I want to stay here, curl up in a ball and just be. I don’t have the motivation to finish the godawful assignment for which I haven’t even received feedback. I know I’ll somehow do it all, but it won’t be enjoyed, it won’t be very good. I’ll do it just so I can pass, just so it can pass. When the joy is sucked out of the things you (used to) love, something is wrong. Let’s hope that when this is done and the new semester starts, I’m reminded again why I wanted to do what I do. Unless a big fat motivation tuna slaps me in the face, it’s going to be a real tough one to finish this degree. (I know I will though – I mean, … I hope)

I miss home even though I’m here. Oh well, back to work.

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